A warning my friends...there is a LOT of bad advice out there for engaged couples. I have even had some super-sharp brides tell me the strangest things with conviction because they read it somewhere online, or a friend mentioned it to them. I did a quick search today of "questions to ask your wedding vendors" and spent the evening laughing, crying and wanting to bang my head into some very hard walls.
To dispel a few quick "bad-advice" myths that rear their ugly heads way too often for my comfort:
a. It is not socially acceptable to have a cash bar. Not saying you can't - just saying, don't think people won't notice. They will.
b. "B" List Guests almost always know they were on the "B" list. It's a bad idea, even when your chapel only seats 120.
c. I-Pods don't make good DJs. Neither does your 13-year-old cousin Fred. He may be able to out-hardware you any day, but he's not a DJ. Take away the music and a good entertainment director and your reception is just dinner at a bad (music-less) restaurant.
Now, I regularly sit through initial consultations with potential clients. Most are typical - I explain our services and philosophies, the couples explain their vision and their need for a planner's assistance and then we do or don't hit it off and go to contract based as is appropriate. I have experienced a couple of consultations, however, which seemed more like an inane game of 20 questions. It's not that I'm against being fully informed - it's simply that couples forget that they are asking the questions of wedding PROFESSIONALS; meaning we do this for a living, and take pride in our art. If you asked questions of a similar nature of a doctor, librarian or mechanic, you would find yourself in an awkward and less than welcome position.
For example, a prominent national website includes the following on their list of questions to ask your florist:
"What is the cost of a corsage made with two gardenias?"
(um, first, making corsages from real gardenias is a SWELL idea considering they are some of the more allergy-inducing flowers around, two, the article doesn't give you any feedback that would give you an idea what the answer might be!). My recommendation - if you're not planning on buying a two-gardenia corsage, skip the question and stick to reality.
Along the same lines, a list suggests that you ask a potential photographer/videographer:
"Are you skilled in diffused lighting or soft focus?"
(Are you? What will you do if they launch into a complex technical description?). An equally brilliant gem was from a guide that suggested that the first question you should ask at a bakery appointment should be:
"what is the name of the bakery?"
I may have really high expectations for my clients, but I do think it's fair to expect that you've figured out where you are by the time we start our interview. I also love anything that takes the "entitlement" road. May I suggest that approaching your photographer with the question:
"how many proofs will I get"
is less respectful of their talent an time than the simple rephrase: "how many proofs do you typically deliver" or "how many proofs does the package include"?
Show up at an appointment with me and instruct me to
"give (you) five adjectives to describe myself"
and you better have a really, really good sense of humor when I give you my response.
Finally, there were the well-intentioned questions that would even have been good advice if they had perhaps been crafted just a little bit differently. One actually insightful site suggests you ask your caterer:
"Is there a price difference for the children and the wedding/party professionals?"
Do I HAVE to remind you that despite our behavior, wedding pros hate to be compared to children?
And my favorite - totally innocuous on the surface until read by my tired, twisted mind:
"are the hors d'oeuvres passed around to the guests by the wait staff or are the hors d'oeuvres stationary (sitting on a table)"?
Anyone else imagining dancing cocktail meatballs and little crab cakes passing themselves around?
I am certain that given any sort of once-over my site and blog would yield multiple imperfections, intentional and not. Some of the comments are just silly, others really take some interpretation to cause an eyebrow to lift. Still others are just plain bad advice, and for those I am truly regretful. It's hard enough to plan a wedding - you don't need to make mistakes thanks to someone else's thoughtlessness too.
My best advice is to seek counsel of trusted wedding professionals - ask them for qualified referrals, review those referrals from an honest and critical perspective, and once selected, trust their experience and professionalism and let them help you create a most perfect day.
Start at www.williamsburgweddingdesign.com!
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