As you plan your wedding, it’s a good idea to have a conversation with the Best Man and/or Maid of Honor about your expectations for a toast. Include any parents or hosts that will be toasting as well. While you may feel like you’re stifling their creativity, anyone who will be offering a toast will appreciate these tips.
Things to Remember:
Timing – Make sure everyone is clear as to when the toasts will happen. This will prevent dead air as you wait for someone to prepare and prevent someone from being forgotten.
Length – Aim to keep your toast between 2 and 4 minutes. Say everything you want to, but don’t drag on because you think the speech should be a certain length. It’s okay to keep it short and sweet.
Content – Remind those offering a toast that you prefer the content be appropriate for all ages. If the rehearsal dinner is going to be casual, let the best man know if it’s okay to tell stories. The toasts should be a reflection of the bride and groom, including their personalities and sense of humor.
Preparation – A toast should be prepared in advanced. If you want to keep it a surprise to the bride and groom, it’s a good idea to run it by another member of the wedding party. Feel free to refer to a note card with bullet points on it—it’s better to have the card in your hand and not use it, than to not be prepared and let your nerves take over.
Relax –Take deep breaths before you speak. While you may think a glass of wine will help you relax, don’t drink so much that you’re unable to remain sincere and polished. The best way to feel prepared is to practice your speech a few times.
Responsibilities:
Maid of Honor – Traditionally, she’s responsible for giving a speech at the bridal shower. She can also speak at the rehearsal dinner and/or wedding reception, but this is optional.
Best Man – The best man is encouraged to give a toast at the wedding reception and often toasts at the rehearsal dinner too.
Bride and Groom – At the rehearsal dinner, the couple should thank everyone who’s contributed to the wedding, including parents and the wedding party. It’s also nice to thank guests who traveled for the occasion. The couple can choose to begin the toasts at the wedding reception and then invite the parents, best man, etc. to speak, or the bride and groom can respond once the toasts are finished with a general thank you.
Hosts of the Rehearsal Dinner – Whether this is the groom’s parents or other hosts, this toast should kick off the weekend events and be the first toast at the dinner.
Hosts of the Wedding – It’s traditional to begin the toasting as the first course is served. Hosts of the wedding (typically the bride’s parents) should welcome everyone. They can then invite the groom’s parents to speak (optional) or can hand over the microphone to the best man.
Format:
You can find plenty of sample speeches online, but here’s a general format to follow.
1. Introduce yourself and explain how you know the couple. It’s a nice idea to explain who you are and how you met the bride and groom (or how long you’ve known them).
2. Thank the parents and guests. While it’s traditional to thank those who are paying for the event, it’s gracious to thank everyone who made the wedding possible. If someone provided something for the wedding, such as a homemade wedding cake, it’s a nice idea to thank them as well. Check with the bride and groom ahead of time to make sure you don’t forget anyone.
3. Tell a story or personal memory. You can go the humorous route and tell a funny story, or keep it heartwarming and talk about the couple’s relationship. If you can’t think of anything specific, think about what it’s like to have these particular people in your life or when you first met them. Perhaps they introduced you to a new career or new friends. If you go the funny route, just remember that it’s okay to make people laugh, but it’s not okay to embarrass anyone, especially the bride and the groom.
4. Talk about the couple together. This is a great time to talk about how you’ve seen the couple’s relationship and love grow. If you don’t know the bride (or groom) well enough to talk about them as a couple, you can make some general observations about love or marriage.
5. Propose a toast. Ask everyone to raise his or her glass or say that you would like to propose a toast. You can do this in your own words or use a favorite quote. Here, you can also include a spiritual statement (if this is appropriate), words of advice to the couple and wishes for happiness.
Remember, the bride and groom chose you to be their best man or maid of honor for a reason—so speak from the heart!
Kelsey Clayton writes the Hampton Roads Bride Blog and is the assistant editor for Hampton Roads Magazine and Hampton Roads Bride magazine.
